


insecurities.

by bbokari



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Sad with a Happy Ending, Seo Changbin Being an Asshole, Stray Kids Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29862102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbokari/pseuds/bbokari
Summary: jisung starts to take the teasing too seriously, therefore hurting himself.orwherein jisung leaves the group because of his mental health.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han & Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	insecurities.

**Author's Note:**

> there's a lot of angst in here pls read at ur own risk !! half of the book is written by @jisunggiee , i made this one to adapt her story because i wanted to make an ending. author if ur seeing this im really sorry for not giving you creds earlier :( sorry for deleting your comment, i didnt knew it was you until i went to ur profile. please lmk if u want me to unpublish this book ty !!

jisung pouted and poked at his own cheeks, tilting his head side to side, " hyung~ can you please go buy me candy? hmph hmph~."

changbin looked at jisung, eyes narrowing as he stared at jisung, " no."

"why not~" jisung asked, puffing out his cheeks more.

"cause you're disgusting." the older said, looking back at the tv. 

"what?,," jisung muttered to himself. feeling his blood rush down his body, face heating up. 

changbin only shook his head, sighing. jisung stood up and went to someone else. 

ignoring the pang he felt in his chest as changbin's words echoed in his head. he was used to the insults, he got them all the time. but he didn't like them, at all. 

he hated how those words hurt him so much. why was he the only one who got bullied by the members?

"how about han? let's see your aegyo." the host said. the members automatically letting out groans of disgust and turning away. 

but jisung smiled away the fact that he wanted to bury himself underground. he didn't want another wave of insults and mean names being directed at him. 

"count to three please." he said, readying himself for the hate he was about to receive. 

he didn't get it. why so they always come at him for trying to be cute. what did he do for them to dislike him. was he not pretty enough? was his face not good enough?

"one two three!"

"boing!" he said to the camera, posing cutely. holding it and then closed his eyes, putting his head down. listening to the members complain. 

"eww!"

he slowly put his arms down, but remembered the camera directed at him. he put on a sheepish smile and rubbed at the nape of his neck. "sorry!"

after the show they were walking to the rooms to change. he felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and turned his head. seeing minho smiling at him, he felt warmness in his heart. 

"don't try to act cute, it doesn't look good on you. alright?" minho pinched his cheek and then walked away. giggling. 

but jisung just stood there. hearing the words ring through his head. "don't do that again okay? it was horrible!" felix laughed as he walked past him, slapping his shoulder. 

causing jisung to stumble a bit on his footing, but being able to stand straight. he looked down. eyes burning from the forming tears. 

he was a fool. 

"jisung! we gotta go get changed!" chan yelled from across the hall.

"why are you just standing there. idiot." changbin said. already changed and ready to go. 

he bit his lip and went to get changed. ignoring them once he was done and got in the car. sitting in the back, laying down and closing his eyes. letting out an exhale. 

he heard the other members come in, but he blocked them out. their earlier words clouding his mind. 

jisung was sitting on his bed, their insulting words swirling around his head. the member's voices echoing in his ears, they wouldn't stop. 

he knows he shouldn't take it to heart, they're probably just joking right? but it hurt so bad.

he's used to all the harsh words directed at him, his confidence going down each time. he's already been attacked by comments online. 

telling him to leave the group. that his cheeks were ugly. that his rapping skills were terrible. he gets it. and now his own members are hanging up on him. 

it's like a storm of darkness to him, clouding around him and suffocating him till he can't handle it anymore. 

the door opened and he quickly wiped a stray tear on his cheek. "hey, we're doing a surprise group vlive, c'mon." seungmin's voice came. 

"i-im not feeling it today can i sit out?" jisung managed to say. 

"no, chan says everyone has to be there, so get out loser." he said. 

"but-"

"jisung shut up and get out the room and fucking act like your in this group for once!" changbin yelled from the living room. jisung took a sharp breathe and stood up. going with seungmin out to the room and sat down. a bit more farther from them. "sorry."

the live started and they greeted the fans. jisung quietly sitting at the side, not saying a word, he didn't want to annoy the members any more than he already has. 

on the phone he saw comments, some of the fans seems to be noticing. 

𝗷𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝗱 :(

𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆 𝗼𝗸

𝘀𝗸𝘇 𝗽𝗹𝘇 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗴!!

𝗷𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗺𝗼 𝗽𝗹𝘇𝘇

𝗷𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼 𝗮𝗲𝗴𝘆𝗼!

"jisung aegyo? hell no, why do y'all wanna see that?" hyunjin said. jisung looked down, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. 

"jisung's ugly when he does aegyo."

"he's ugly all the time!"

the members began to laugh. jisung looking at the camera, "sorry stays. i won't do aegyo. they don't want me to." he gave a smile as best he can. graciously giving a heart to stays. 

𝗷𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴,,𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆 :(

𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵, 𝗽𝗼𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗹 :(

jisung looked down again. he was worrying stays, what's wrong with him. he blankly stared down for another few more minutes when he heard, "bye stays!"

he quickly looked up and did their goodbye, waving at the camera. once the vlive stopped he quickly got up and headed towards the room. 

"jisung."

he stopped.

"you're not gonna eat dinner?" 

"i'm not hungry."

and with that he went inside without another word. 

it was the time they were playing the "who's who" game. when he felt more like total shit. 

"why man, why you chose me man?" he was asking jeongin enthusiasticly. chan looked at him

"no one cares." 

he played it off. letting out a sound and laughing, leaning his head back. but it felt like he was just shot. right in the fucking heart, and those words came from chan. his friend he's known the longest. was this what heartbreak felt like? all the blood he had, drained. his heart dropped. 

was this all he was for the group? the punching bag? the loser? 

"why is han most likely to forget lyrics." chan said looking at him again. and jisung kept telling himself that the look in chan's eyes was disappointment. 

his mind kept convincing him the worse. on camera they were all smiling at him and laughing as a joke. but to him it was so much more. 

at the end of the interview he sighed. going to the dressing room with his head down. "uhm,, han?"

he slowly looked up at his name being called, it was the cameraman for the interview. "are you alright buddy? do you need water? anything?" 

jisung just gave him a smile, "no, i'm fine. thank you." he said and continued walking. so stuck in his horrible mind he missed the cameraman calling chan over as well. 

he's been more quiet now. he knew he was loud and he knew the members hated it. so he tried to do everything he could to be less of everyone. to be less of himself. maybe that way they wouldn't hate him anymore, right? 

but then again they wouldn't notice anyways. even if he was gone.

they were back home in the dorms after their tour. they were gonna rest for a while. 

again the words came. 

"jisung you did this wrong."

"why do you keep messing up."

"what the fuck is wrong with you."

he just sat there, taking all the insults. hands clenched into fists as he looked down, tears forming in his eyes again. 

"can. can you guys please stop." he whispered. he knew he kept messing up, he knew he was a waste. he knew he was a fuck up. he knew he was a fucking joke. 

"no. you have-"

"please." he begged. he couldn't handle it anymore. it was all too much. 

"i get it okay? i know i can't do anything right. i know i don't bring anything to group at all, i know i'm horrible and ugly. i can't rap good enough. i don't look good enough, i can't rap well enough. i get it. so please stop, i don't think i can deal with this anymore."

he felt tears falling down his cheeks with no mercy. they just kept falling. 

he felt the burning of their stares, eyes right on him. they were probably gonna laugh at him for crying. 

"hey, we-" a hand was on his shoulder. he flinched and backed away. he looked up knowing it was chan. he made eye contact with the leader. 

he stood up and looked at all of them. "leave me alone." 

he went and put his shoes on. hearing the members calling his name from where they were seated at on the table. 

he needed to leave. he couldn't do it. 

he unlocked the door and opened it. but before he left he turned, "i don't hate you." 

chan appeared from the kitchen, " jisung please-"

but the door shut.

silence.

the whole table was silence. did they hurt jisung that bad? they never saw the other so sad and hurt. jisung never cries, he keeps everything to himself. all of them were silent, looking at each other with guilt, until they heard a sob.

it was from their leader.

chan cried and fell on his knees and placed his hands on his face. changbin immediately stood up and went to him, the members followed behind. "h-hyung please-"

"i-im such a fucking bad leader.. m-my first member... i treated him like shit." he said with his cries. hyunjin, who couldn't see the other so vulnerable, he cried with the leader and hugged him. the others started tearing up too. god knows what how they feel right now. hurt, guilt, pain, and hatred. 

they never knew how much jisung was special to them.

it was the next day. chan stayed in his room, locking the doors and crying by himself. he didn't want to come out, and the others understood that and didn't force him, but they're quietly giving him food and not bother him.

minho was crying too, the older had a soft spot for the younger. never thought that he took the elder's jokes so seriously, he felt so disgusted by himself. calling the younger not cute, unfunny, and not giving reactions to his jokes. thinking about it made him sob even more.

jisung still haven't came back to the dorm, they were all worried sick.

everyone were quietly sobbing and comforting each other until they heard breathless breathing and hard knocking on the door. they all immediately stood up, thinking it was jisung. smiling with guilt, they opened it and..

it was their manager. he looked so stressed and tearing up.

"what the fuck did you kids do?!"

everyone tilted their heads in confusion.

"jisung resigned his contract, what the FUCK did you guys do?!"

"Han Jisung from STRAY KIDS ended his contract!"

"Han from Stray Kids leaving group."

"Stray Kids Han resigned contract."

it was all over the news. the members felt numb. tears all over their face. they couldn't do anything anymore. they tried contacting jisung for the 90th time, yet no answer. they even contacted his parents and friends, no answer either.

jeongin was still crying and caught everyone's attention.

"i.. i miss hyung.." he lowered his head and cried. everyone cried at their maknae's presence. they all hugged the youngest and cried with him. they wondered what chan was doing, he was still inside his room.

chan, was on the floor. staring at the wall, all of his tears dried up.

"jisung, my sungie. where are you?"

jisungs pov.

staring at the sky from the window, i finally feel so free. freedom. i stared at the crystal black sky with sparkles sprinkled all over it. i counted stars and started naming them for no reason. i laid on my chair and sighed.

i continued to name all of the stars, and i see a group of stars that were shining more brightly than the others, and more farther away too.

eight stars. i started naming and pointing them.

"channie hyung.. lino hyung.. binnie hyung.. hyunjinnie...seungminnie, and innie..and.. me."

i choked on my tears. i miss them so bad. why though? they hurt me so much, yet i still love them. i wonder what they're doing now. i hope they're happier now. they deserve everything. they're so talented and i wish they would have success without me.

i love them so much.

"please take care..."

a tear spills from my eye as i finally go to my flight and walk inside of the airplane. im going back to malaysia where no one could find me, going back to my family, restarting everything and feel freedom. 

stray kids, my family, my everything, i wish you all success.

2 years later.

the boys have been blowing up ever since because of their recent comeback. oh boy, they got so many fans and awards from it. 12m followers in instagram, 4 mvs with 100m views, and having the title of 4th gen leaders. 

their visuals today were no joke. hyunjin's long hair, felix's mullet, and more. they all smiled at success, thriving as 7 members.

it was tiredsome, but they were happy and that's what matters. they smile at each other and hold their award and show it on camera.

they were going to the airport again, flashing lights everywhere as everyone posed. changbin did an aegyo and everyone laughed at his cuteness.

they started going to their plane. someone accidentally bumped on hyunjin's shoulder. it hurted a lot and made hyunjin stop walking.

"hey you!" hyunjin pouted. the other looked at hyunjin and also looked at the person the long haired boy was looking at.

the boy with silver hair who bumped on hyunjin's shoulder turned around. "oh gosh, i apologize. i'm on a hurry and i-"

"jisung?"

jisung looked up with his doe eyes. his eyes turning glossy as he stared at his members.

"jisung.." chan whispered and went to him.

once chan went infront of him, jisung jumped on him and sobbed loudly. "h-hyung!"

oh, how much chan missed the voice of the younger. he smiled and closed his eyes, tears falling. he hugged jisung back, feeling the familiar warmth that he missed so much.

"sungie.."  
"hyung, i missed you so much.." 

he smiled and stopped hugging chan and looked at the others. everyone was crying. minho went to him and caressed his face. "it's real.. you're real.. it's not a dream.." he said with a smile and wide eyes. jisung laughed and hugged him tightly. minho looked at him with shock and smile.

changbin went over the hugging boys and patted jisungs hair. jisung squirmed and giggled. "you've changed so much, sungie. you look so handsome" jisung blushed "oh please." 

he stopped hugging and looked behind him. it was his 00 liners. his best friends. they all crashed me on a hug as felix started smooching his face with a billion of kisses.

"h-hey felix you're tickling me!" jisung laughed. the others stared at him with love and adoration. they missed his laugh and heart smile so much.

seungmin looked at jisung and held his hands. "sungie, i really hope you were doing well before. since i never got to apologize for my immature actions before, i sincerely apologize for treating you like shit and forgetting you have feelings. i know this isn't really sincere but i cant think of an apology right now because im shaking really hard.." seungmin said with speed. jisung chuckled at his cuteness and hugged him. "of course i would accept your apology. short or long, i dont really give a shit. i love you and will always forgive you all." he smiled and looked at hyunjin who was smiling so much.

"you're still the same sungie.. you're still my serotonin boost." hyunjin smiled and kissed his forehead. 

"and you're still the same jinnie, still kissing my forehead like before."

"hey! not my fault your height is perfect for forehead kisses!" hyunjin smiled. the others laughed as jisung looked around.

he saw jeongin. the youngest who was crying so much, snot was probably coming out. he looked so cute. jisung laughed and opened his arms. jeongin cried even more and launched himself on jisung, making the older stumble and say "oof"

"h-hyung you idiot! do you not know how many months i cried and believed that you were still in korea! why didnt you say you were back to malaysia! we were about to go malaysia to find you, but here we are, what a coincidence!" he laughed. jisung smiled and hugged the younger so tightly. "also by the way, we are really famous now hyung! will you ever consider coming back to the group?"

they..they're famous? jisung smiled. his wish worked. they succeeded. 

"..maybe i will come back." 

everyone looked at them and started a hug pile. they missed their sunshine so much, they really did.

years has passed and they were now the leaders of kpop. jisung being the ace and talented. he still had his music skills like before. the whole group gave him enough affection to never do the thing they did before.

\- fin.


End file.
